Finding Balance – How to Reconnect With Your Identity Post-Baby

Being balanced on a day-to-day basis day is difficult. But we can train our brains to have more balance.

Learning how to live and maintain a balanced lifestyle can help you feel better in all areas of life. Here are some ideas for you. 1. Spend time with people who are important to you.

Talk to People Who Remember You Before the Baby

If you feel that you are losing yourself because you are not the person you were before you had a baby, talking with someone who remembers you without kids can be especially helpful. This could be a friend or sibling, but you may also want to seek out a therapist.

Another way that new mums lose touch with people is the most heartbreaking: you become someone who doesn’t have time for your best and oldest friends. Whatever your tribe – your minions – having the people who knew you first is an enormous help.

They can remind you that you are still you – despite the sleepless nights and dirty nappies And they can help you navigate the line between ‘before mother’ and ‘mother now’.

Get Out of the House More Often

If you’re accustomed to working from home or are time poor, it can be very easy to stay in the house. If you think it might affect you, try to get out more often – go for a walk, or even just get more exercise – it’s really great for your mental health as well as your physical wellbeing.

Regardless of whether you are able to take a vacation or schedule an official day off from work, even just going out for a walk during your lunch break or meeting up with friends to grab coffee can help to make sure that you get yourself out of the house and rediscover that part of yourself that feels like it has been lost. The chores will still get done, but sometimes the chores have to wait so that you can be a person again.

Or the easiest thing to do: bring the party to your home. A girl date at your place! It’s a great way to socialise with your best friends for hours without having to make the effort, which includes having to hire them for a childminder! Join a group or a club – you might even get one without having to be the mum at it!

Reconnect With Your Hobbies

While bonding with your baby is wonderful, and you will soon adore your child, seek out activities that you can do together or alone that will help you to feel more like yourself again. Whether it’s cooking or baking, playing video games, reading, running or doing yoga, painting or drawing, make sure that you do things that you did before your child was born.

You’ll also likely enjoy finding that some of these activities make you feel like a real couple again, and are a fun way to spend time together if you include your baby (cooking and exercise are good possibilities, but a funny movie – or even a really terrible reality programme – might be just as entertaining too!).

If you haven’t been able to resume any of your prebaby hobbies, check out your local community college, parents’ centre or library to see if there are any support groups for mothers, exercise classes, or book clubs that you can join. You’ll be surprised at how taking even two or three hours a week to engage in a hobby you already enjoy can help you reclaim your old hobbies.

Spend Time With the People You Love

For most new mothers, this means cutting out friendships or regular time spent with your adult relationships that aren’t mum related (ie, a work friend). Even if your children are the worst sleepers in the world, you can make an effort to spend time with people that are funny and who like and support who you are.

Quality time is central to the love language concept, and a critical part of ungriefing as well. If your friend is the type who laughs a lot, or your spouse enjoys checking in with you telephonically, you’ll be doing a lot more of that.

It’s definitely difficult to be a new mother. But you shouldn’t feel like a shell of your former self. At least try to get your hobbies back or a social support system, and get into things you enjoyed doing before having kids — even if that means leaving your kids at home with dad while you go out and do them.

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